Not been much of myself for the past week. I don’t hate Mondays. But last Monday, I grumbled a lot, I sighed more often and just as if the clock struck twelve and “poof” I’m no longer living life like a fairy tale. My life went from dazzling fairy tale to hideous reality. I guess that’s pretty normal. Everyone feels that way once in a blue moon; correct me if I’m wrong. Pardon me; I thought it’s always normal to stand in negativity. Absorbing negativity is releasing the positivism in me. Sounds pretty contradicting? I guess it’s a symptom for excessive holiday spirit instilled in me. I’m still trying to draw back some of the spirit.

Some people would comment me as a negative person; those were the ones I’m comfortable showing the dull side of me in which I never intend to brighten up their day. Some people would comment me as a cheerful person; those are definitely the ones I don’t bother sharing my problems with at all. Some say I’m temperamental; I guess it’s true to a certain extend. I live my day bright but I’m easily bummed if a grey cloud overshadowed my sun. I’m confused. If you’ve spoken to me, you’d think I’m someone who definitely knows what I want out of my life. I knew it too well. Too much and often I end up losing directions. I’m a Virgo. Horoscope says I’m a definite darn perfectionist. Someone who knows perfection does not exist yet tried too hard striving for it. Life’s not cruel; it’s pretty fair for me. I know the rules, I supported my belief and I earned teachings the hard way.

I’m not sure. I’ve tried too hard standing hard on the ground with my own principles. I knew it’s going to hurt a lot. I saw it coming but I did nothing about it. I don’t blame myself for it. I try not to regret. Opinions, suggestions, advice are not the decision maker. I decided for myself. At the end of the day, I am my own culprit. I am charged guilty for whatever decision I made. Admit guilty, I’m placed in a prison of my own fault. Once I’m released, I decide again for whatever that would set me back into prison. It’s a cycle that I don’t break free from. At the end of the day, I just try harder to shorten the time spent in prison. Or make an ending looks as graceful as it can be.

I’m toppled with questions. Never ending questions like happily ever after. You portray as it’s going to get really happy. Ever after is a term for idiots who never loved calculations. I hate math. That makes it pretty obvious why I’m an idiot who believed in ever after. Virgos don’t just believe in love. They believe in true love. How true is that? Guess I’ve got to hear from another Virgo. How true is true? The fact that you’ve never heard or seen sounds true enough to you? Bumping into a love like you’ve never imagined sounds true enough. Life is so darn simple. Humans made it complicated.  The truth is not something you’ve seen or heard. The truth is all about believing. As long as you believe, it’s sufficient to seem true.  True love does exist and it’s planted somewhere in the corner of a believer’s mind; it does exist. For those who don’t imagine; it never existed.

As I mentioned earlier, I’ve not been much of myself for the past week. That happened for a reason. I guess its okay. Occasionally I fall from side to side. The bright side, there’s always one second that I stand in the middle besides falling apart. That is sufficient to brighten up my day. Thank you.