Mio's profile☜♡☞ ๑۩۞۩๑ • ღ A stage of...PhotosBlogListsMore  |  Tools Help |
☜♡☞ ๑۩۞۩๑ • ღ A stage of my own ღ • ๑۩۞۩๑ ☜♡☞❉.｡:**:｡.❀ ♥●• If life's a stage, i'm an actress with no scripts •●♥ ❀.｡:**:｡.❉ November 25 My loss? Says who?I don’t expect to be given the same amount of care and actions from people I care. When I care; I care unconditionally. But I am only human. Who can claim saint? For instance: I would make mistakes. I know it’s not right to hope for anything from anyone (even the ones you are closest with). I know that everyone stand on different grounds. I know that there would never be a balance of what you give in – is going to be what you get. I know that some actions would be able to display one’s care while some may not be very visible.
I know the rules of it. I do. And I pushed my button with a tiny expectation. My expectation seemed like tiny peanut from my point of view but a great football field in other’s view. I thought it was something so simple for almost anyone to cater. I assured myself that the favor I seek was within the person’s capability as long as they are willing to help. I forgot about the simple rule of not having hope and different grounds. I forgot that some people possess different approach in decision making. I foolishly forgot about the friendship guidelines! Ouch! So does that mean that none of my friends have placed expectations on me? Does it mean that when they come to me for a favor; they don’t expect help? And they have never for once at all felt disappointed if I couldn’t lend my shoulder? Is that true? Only they would know better. Only those who really need a favor and was rejected right to their face for some “special” case reasons would feel the pinch. As a matter of fact, it doesn’t require a reason to feel the pinch. One rejection is lethal enough to wound the person. Should the rejecter charged guilty for rejecting? Nope. Is the hoper to be blamed for hoping? Nope. We can never demand from a friend. We could just hope that the person would be able to help when we open our damn mouth and seek help politely. We also need to be ready that rejection comes in different ways. Lastly, we can’t claim to have helped if our friend politely asked for a cup of coffee but we buy them a coke (just because we weren’t willing to walk the extra mile for that cup of coffee). Never claim such insincere act as promise done or a task delivered. Some say that they don’t believe in having best friends. They only believe in friends and everyone is equally treated the same. I believe in best friends and I try to spread my care equally towards their need, attitude and environment. I am; sometimes accused for treating either “best friends” better. But now, I need to sit myself and question myself what is friendship all about. Someone hoped that I know what I am doing because I might be losing out on “the most” caring friend of all. Certainly I do. Every decision comes with consequences. Friendship requires giving and taking. I can’t be the only one walking the first step in breaking the walls. I don’t claim as “the most” caring friend of all, and who knows it may not be my loss. August 29 Sufferings in lifePoisoned by the thoughts of being with someone you can’t. Self punishing for a decision you made. Once love turned hate. Making decisions over life that does not belong to you. Drowning by the thoughts of blame. Unable to speak what your heart meant. Swimming in thoughts of wonder Deeply missing someone; wishing they were just round the corner. Feeling depressed over a fact you can’t change. Sorry you gave your priorities to a jerk that don’t deserve you. Lie because you care. August 13 The mind of a mind.After so long of less opinionated; guess today is really my lucky day! Finally I have something worth to blog about. I’m still pondering which would be the best way to relate or type this but I don’t have a choice on it. I’d go with the flow. And so, how should I start this? It’s very interesting and it’s full of zest!
Who on earth would think they are less individual than the others? Is it simply just a word that helps “us” the individuals to feel better for acting so weird, doing so wrong, supports us like nobody else does or what? There’s no truth in this. I know one thing for certain. Everyone thinks they are individual. Of coz, that is an obvious fact in physical terms but what about mentally? What makes you more individual than the others?
Are you going to tell me that you’re so individual that you totally have no idea on what you’re going to think next? Or you would totally have no say in anything? And please, refrain from indicating that you’re the most neutral item on earth. Is there anyone in the god damn world that doesn’t contradict not even the littlest?
What is humble to you? If you don’t understand, you’d probably want to check the dictionary. I’m sure there’s a definition to it. Simple and universal for every hay wired humans to understand. We can always relate in different languages. But don’t you dare use the expressive English on me! Don’t tell me you’re MORE humble, LESS humble or VERY humble. If you are, you are. If you aren’t, just don’t prolong the embarrassment.
Hey, what’s wrong with accepting the fact there’s a definition to every word? Why would you want to try using your opinion and perception into definitions? If someone tells you, you’re not ___. Go try figuring it out. Don’t ask for examples. Because it won’t make sense when you try to argue for a fact that you put yourself in a deception mode and try to make the other party understand that you’re not comparing yourself to others when you are!
And true, I cannot say that what happened to me would most likely happen to you. As a matter of fact, I’m saying something which I’ve never encountered and I just want to share it with you. Because I believe you’re worth wasting my saliva but if you don’t like it. I know it would sting a little. Try the clever way, listen and just wipe it out your ears. Why try protesting when we would never know what happens next? What if what I said was true, that would happen to you (but it never did to me) or what if you were right (yet you’re still as arrogant as ever?)
Conclusion is, it brings you back to square one. I wasted my air trying to talk nuts and definitions with you. And either way, which proved did not matter. You were still the same from the day I aired you. You moved on fairly high and quite a bit. You looked wiser, older and physically different. But the mentality is there to stay.
We are here to learn. The moment we try something stupid, who are the better fools than us? You think that people who came up with theories were just another bunch of great minds? At least, they admit and they see not just within others. Most importantly, you weigh yourself before you speak. That is why, they are so great. And we, the not so mighty struggles to understand the basic strings in life. July 17 Crazy people so full of em everywhereThis would be one of the days when I'd like to ask "Did you not comphrehend what I specifically mentioned earlier? And why are you handing a melting ice in your hand?!?". I don't quite get who in the mother world would hand an ice cube to the other person who wanted to get that freaking piece of cube into her cuppa milo.
And then there's this person who is trying so hard to act mysterious and tapping his feet happily at almost anything that is happening to him. It makes no sense if I'm having a bad day and I start snapping at others for being happy. But trying too hard to act as if? Come on, give me a mother break. Ironically saying, someone that's been so low just not long ago is not a chirping bird that pricks into every piece of wood?
Then there's this crazy sister that started talking to you out of the mist. And you really don't know what's the best respond to give.
All you crazy people! "Please get out of my face".
July 01 Love is Xen styleOften, I'd ask myself, what is love all about?
I forgot how it felt. But assured I've felt it more than once.
The foolish things that we would do that insures the existence of love in us.
It's funny how talking to someone you once loved made you felt so in love all over again.
There were bad and ugly times, funny; how I've totally threw those out of the window.
We were dangerously in love. We met at the most strangest way.
I took his attention by grabbing a note out of his wallet.
I took his sympathy when I called him crying on the phone.
I took his love, when I gave him mine.
I gave him a part of me. And he gave me his.
There is this part of me, that breathe with him.
It is eternal, till the day we die.
And it's a secret that both of us know.
He will love me till the day I die.
And so will I because I melt everytime I talk to him.
Funny, love is actually.
June 29 Sometimes i wished i wasn't me.Years ago; given a chance to be something I'm not, I would want to be a rock.
Not a pebble because that would be a little too light and too convenient for someone to throw me away.
Hence, a rock would be the perfect choice. Something not as big as a mountain; because I wouldn't want to end up shattering into pieces and dust.
Something not as small to be insignificant; because I don't want to be the uncomfy little stone that slipped in your shoes.
Today, I want to be a pair of eye.
If I could; I'd want to be the eye of you whom is specifically not BLIND.
I'd want to travel far and beyond with you.
I'd want to tear more than just because his brain tells me to.
I'd want shut naturally, when he blinks and when he sleeps.
I figure this is the best way to be with you.
June 14 Sorry, but I love you"Sorry, but I love you" : is a title from the current song I stumbled upon.
It reminds me of statements I've made. It reminds me of the promises I've made.
It reminds me of the love I had for you; I loved you so dearly.
It reminds me of the sweet moments which sugared my smiles from corner to corner.
The moments when I wished everything else would just melt away.
And the breeze could take us far from the troubles.
To a place where no one know us and start our lives anew.
It reminds of the tears that ran from the corners of my eye from the heartache that was almost unbearable.
Wishing time would stop and pause or rewind for once.
I wished I knew or could foresee what would happen then I wouldn't lose you.
It reminds me that I've no regrets; because I loved once and I loved hard.
My soul was never too far from where you would catch me.
The stars were never out of reach.
And for all that, I'd like to apologize.
Sorry, but I love you.
May 20 If it is ...If it is .. a mistake.
It was the best mistake i've ever made.
With tears in my eyes that backflows to my throat and i had to act strong and willed.
With the hardest kiss to ever let go and yearning for more.
With so much love that i'm willing to give unconditionally.
You are the best mistake i've ever made.
May 13 Pink little tabletsTuesday May 13th 2008
Time: 6.22pm It's one of those days where i swallowed in extra pills to keep my soul in my body. Geesh, my tongue taste a little bland after all those different shapes and sizes landed on it. Washed it down with gulps and gulps of h2o but i'm still feeling the O!
Oh god, I hate tummy cramps. What's with God that made us the one that deliver babies? Not to mention the weight we need to carry when the egg is securely fastened on our tummy. Periods!! And cramps!! Damn, why can't we just deliver minus the pathetic period cycle? Urrghhh ... I've been such a good girl. I did cut out on the icy cold drinks which is so tempting. Damn and this is still happening!!
*Grabs the pink stretch of pills* Now i have to count on Panadol Menstrual. Sighz.. May 07 I'd pray nightly for your dick to grow.A perfect lesson today. Never to visit a male doctor without my male's company.
Never allow time being with the doctor and I - Both alone. You'd probably think that normally there would be nurses around. Well true, shit is - you'd never know what happens the next minute she steps away.
I don't want to act like a FUCKING RACIST.
But this is certainly the last time i'm visiting an AH NE NE doctor. <- See i still have respect for this race.
That particular doctor? Well fuck it, i wished his dick would grow so long that it makes it hard for anyone to avoid stepping on it.
Don't worry. I'd be praying on it nightly. May 03 Sorry dear, I had no choice.It just happened. Something that I've been fearing for the past 27 years.
What went wrong? And who was at fault? Guess it's no one to blame except the fact that I let it happened.
If I could turn back time, what was it that I've changed?
I would have made it very strict with my principles and not give in.
I wouldn't want to blame anyone. But I would try to avoid this from happening.
IF I had been more strict with my principles and with the plans I had in mind.
Maybe the heart's desire is achieved at this very moment.
One determination for two very extreme situations.
I just had to do it.
First - I know it's a lifetime regret.
Second - I know it's the key to my door.
I'm sorry for being so selfish. But it wasn't all for my selfishness.
Sorry dear. March 23 Did i just stole the bouquet?It's not happening. It's only a dream. It's only surrealistic.
The only thing that i'm certain of - I walked off from the florist with a bouquet in hand.
At any moment i felt my heart was going to jump out of it's original position.
I made no payment.
In my hand was a bouquet of red roses, white daisies, purple lining and white carnation along with some of my favorite lavenders.
Am still wondering if it was paid.
Was it a surprise? Or a moment to remember?
I ain't sure. Anyone want to help me on this? February 24 Significant to you, insignificant to the world.Fear managed to creep it's way disturbing my supposedly peaceful afternoon nap.
I realised I'm only human. I'm human not because I do make mistakes from time to time.
I'm human not because I have my demerits and merits.
I'm human because I'm dying from the moment I was given breath of life.
No consent was needed for sending me into the world. Therefore, I should not question my existence.
The meaning of living. Again, I shouldn't question.
We weren't given much of choices. We made our own choices.
The moment I was breathing, I was given chance to live the life I'd want to.
Correction, but I do not choose how I'd want to die.
The negativity in life, we allow it to take it's own nature.
"Live life to the fullest" - easier said than done.
But never say never.
Where's heaven and hell?
We die with our physical but perhaps our souls lives longer than we are aware?
Life itself is heaven and hell.
Life itself is a lesson.
Life itself is a practise.
Life is everything we do or don't.
And life itself is definite in one statement.
Life is just once.
Make it or break it.
February 04 The red little packetChinese new year is around the corner. Three days to the count. Two days towards the yearly celebrated dinner. A day which brings every family member closer no matter how far they are. They are back to celebrate and rejoice the true meaning of unity. Chinese has it's saying "Always easier to break a single chopstick but if you unite more than a dozen - the strength and unity is there". Sorry to say, my baby brother won't be home this coming new year. And it's his first year away from us. But i'm not worried, i'm sure he won't feel the prick.
And so, chinese new year is around the corner. How many years has it been since my last celebration? I forgot. Felt as if i'm new to this ritual. I'm not married so i'm eligible to receive my little red tiny packet. That's an additional bonus when i'm broke. Valentines has been an enemy to this rejoicing event. It always clashes. I don't enjoy celebrating Valentine's on new year. Maybe i should start announcing the Miu's Valentine Day.
So what's the joy of chinese new year for you? The cleaning? The cookies? Mandarin oranges? Home visiting? Red packets? Gambling??
Hahaha, there's just so much to this event. Chinese are really full of wonders. Very superstitious. How hillarious. January 29 Aren't we all humans?It all started when i saw him online. I heard him vowed loud and clear that he would never go online again. There he was, appearing online with a statement that speaks of the number 13. Twisted as it may seem and thoughmy birthday falls on the 13th i'm quite definite the message wasn't meant for me. He once told me his lucky numbers were 13 and 14. If you string it up you'd find a combination that rhymes forever and ever in a cantonese dialect.
I made the first move. I asked him how his day was and i wished him happiness before i took the toll and turn on my computer. In regard i read words of bitterness. He was sick of his life. It wasn't perfect elaboration as there words were clumped but there was so much pain in it. Short and direct. It's nearly 3 years and he still lingers with questions. No one would be able to answer his doubts. Colors were desaturated from his once meaningful picture. I read every single word he typed. I felt his pain etched inside me. I feel him. It made me question - why some people moved on faster than the others? Whyis it so easy to forgive but not forget? A fool would only lie to me claiming pardon against his memory. Who would ever forget the ugly drawings that once tempted us to shred it into a million pieces?
Like a mantra in my head, i forgive but i never forget. But i move on. It's so sad how love makes the world go round and breaks the one whom thought love is finally found. Forgiving may come in as a simple task. Breath in, no one is perfect. Nothing is fair. We don't live by the books of recipes. We are not measured to serve. But the wrong spice can definitely screw the dish in us. I've screwed enough problems to state this. Poor fella, a fine man who gave me words of support but he lives his own life mentally torn. You think he's so stupid not to understand the language he speaks would made him a stronger person only if he pull himself together? Why didn't he? Instead he circled in shadows for years.
Funny how some ppl say there's no good in sharing the past and they just look forward to the future. I think it's depressing not to even remember the little details. A past should not meant to be forgotten. Little scars and tiny measures lined a huge story behind us. They made history. A happened but share able fact. I'm moving on, once moved on and still practising the balance of moving on. And i wanna share everything i can remember. It's me and my past. Someone out there would be there to discover my future with me. Or shall i term it "the current future"? It never stops. We don't live over past to forget it. We live over to grow. And while we grow. We share. January 21 How can i help you?How can i help you?
Kill me if you could.
I can't do it.
Why not?
I'm not willing to.
How can i help you?
Even if you could give me everything in the world, it would only be something i could own..
And something within my control is equivalent to nothing.
I will try.
Trying doesn't count.
At least i don't promise and give you nothing.
Likewise and so true.
January 20 Me and myselfI feel like screaming. Am i dreaming?
I'd want to shout. I'd like to take a rest from talking about all the nonsense and pout.
I'd want to talk how i felt. Perhaps i should have listened to myself.
Hush, there is this voice talking. Who is it? Other than myself.
Hush, i knew what you'd say and it didn't make my day.
They say they care. But it's just not there.
They say they understood. Or they wished they could?
It was never the same from the day i took the blame.
I'm different from the others but it doesn't make me unique.
I'm different from the others but i hate to be labeled as weird.
I'm different from the others but it don't mean i'm enjoying it.
I'm different from the others but it don't mean life is unfair.
I'm different from the others but i ain't gifted.
I'm different from the others but i didn't suffer less.
I'm different from the others but i'm not all lucky.
I'm different from the others but it's still half empty.
I'm different from the others but i can't differentiate a fact and a truth.
I'm different .. just different. If you could speak my mind, i give you the permission to do so.
Speak like i'd never will.
Speak like there's no tomorrow.
Speak like there's always a brighter sun.
Open my mind. Open my heart. I seek the voice deep within me. I'd need to hear the truth from me. January 07 How true is it?Apparently this wisdom tooth of mine ain't really getting in the way. I just had the idea that i wanted it removed because it doesn't allow me to proceed with thorough brushing. Plus i thought if i had it removed, i'd be aching for longer than i expected and i couldn't have taken anything solid.
Right .. i was purely right bout solidity but the fact didn't change that i'm such an avid sweet toothie.
Everytime i'm sick i crave so much for the forbidden food!
I thought my appetite would have been murdered along with the surgery.
Gosh i was wrong. I had milkshake directly after my surgery, chipsmore cookies the next mornin ( i had to split the bloody mini cookie in quarters!), cakes and lotsa cakes. This morning i had porridge ... a little bowl for the morning, another for lunch, a big apple donut for tea, lotsa spoonful of cakes .. and still counting.
All my friends congratulate me prior to one of my kg resolution coming true.
How true is it? January 04 Sands swirling against your ear lobesThis ain't the first time i'm stating this - what use could an apology be when words are spoke, stabbed right through the and pierced through your heart? Full salute and respect given to those who forgive and forget. I could forgive but i never forget. Don't ask me why because i'm trying to trace the answer myself. I could try to forget but the ample of time used is better placed else where.
I heard the air singing "I'm sorry, i don't understand what went wrong that brought us further from our standing point".
I thought i had you there standing beside me with both our hands clutching tightly against each other.
The waves as usual made great entry washing down the sands as if they were singing to you.
The sands were dancing slowly - for a moment everything moved in slow motion.
The truth was .. we were the drifting apart further from each other.
I'd only have to whisper in the air and you'd hear me.
The truth was . . even if i shouted you couldn't make do of what i just said.
Wouldn't it be good if time stood still?
You'd still be there to comfort me while i struggle with endless sad stories.
I'd option not to question about your past because it tears me apart feeling far from first.
I'd be a good girl not to cross the line.
When you get me, you get all of me.
Time allows, i'd know all of you.
Wouldn't that be better?
The more spoken is endless fault.
Goodbye is a beginning.
Hello may just be another ending.
January 02 Resolutions!!!Time to kick out the past tense and build some new history!!
First and foremost, I think I've been a really bad girl last year. Endless nights with sleepless touch. Throwing in medications as if they were poppy candies. Sleep late and murdered my skin. Wake up late and waste half of my life.
I'd wanna change my lifestyle habits. Been paying to the gym and hadn't been religiously working out those dirty sweat in me. I used to trick myself with steam and sauna but now i'm worse than a liar. I've been acting like a lazy bum. Not being doing anything worthful. There is something i've stated i'd like to make a difference but i've not done anything bout it till now. I hadn't lost any weight. I've still got sweet tooth build up in me that flunks my diet over and over again.
Resolutions!!
I'd want to save my skin.
I'd will lose 2kg (in 3 months time) *couldn't imagine i just given myself 3 months.
I'd want to sleep early.
I'd start infusing herbs into my diet and hope it nurtures my frail body back to life.
I'd want to inject my knowledge wider. Now i'm not sure if i should take up a degree or take in new practicals. I can take up french dessert - but i'm sure the diet would flunk. Contradicting. OR work harder to build my financial. It's either money or knowledge. Both is as important.
This year i want to be someone i've not been and someone i don't remember being. Someone who don't remember who i used to be. *Ta da*
January 01 First of January tied with yesterdayQuite a number of people were surprised to see me online tonight.
They said "It's a surprise that you're not out to the count of the new year".
I figure it's not entirely that surprising. There are a zillions out there who don't count to celebrate.
I'm just being homely this year. I'm not exactly at home. I was having a day flu but that wasn't the reason that stopped me from partying.
I watched lived from Taipei counting to the second. The fireworks were splendid.
I enjoyed my counting at Hong Kong. Fireworks were marvellous. I hurried back to the hotel the moment the clock struck 12. And that was it.
I think it's good to sit back and relax instead of partying and boozing. Coz either way the second is going to pass you the moment you start feeling happy for it.
Happy new year folks for whether its an ending to the past, a continuous journey or a beginning.
Take good care of your health because without it, you won't be able to count for the coming years.
Now, the resolutions would take up some space - wouldn't it?
December 30 Lifetime cycleIt's the end of year 2007 obvious beginning for 2008. Dreadful reminder of the many years to come IF i ever lived up to that day.
Now, same question - what have you achieved this year? What's the new year's resolution?
I've not achieved anything this year.
All those travelling, money can buy materials added into my collection, sky digit sum mounting up the bills in exchange of little comforts from spas, relaxation and road to forever young didn't make me a better person.
I did manage to add an additional cert into my profession and that was it.
Years has passed and i've not achieved something that is so sustainable.
Something sufficient to make me happy for a lifetime.
Ppl spend their time making ends meet.
I spend my time pursuing the person in me.
Does it stop from a year to another?
Heaven knows. :P |
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