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June 14 Sorry, but I love you"Sorry, but I love you" : is a title from the current song I stumbled upon.
It reminds me of statements I've made. It reminds me of the promises I've made.
It reminds me of the love I had for you; I loved you so dearly.
It reminds me of the sweet moments which sugared my smiles from corner to corner.
The moments when I wished everything else would just melt away.
And the breeze could take us far from the troubles.
To a place where no one know us and start our lives anew.
It reminds of the tears that ran from the corners of my eye from the heartache that was almost unbearable.
Wishing time would stop and pause or rewind for once.
I wished I knew or could foresee what would happen then I wouldn't lose you.
It reminds me that I've no regrets; because I loved once and I loved hard.
My soul was never too far from where you would catch me.
The stars were never out of reach.
And for all that, I'd like to apologize.
Sorry, but I love you.
January 04 Sands swirling against your ear lobesThis ain't the first time i'm stating this - what use could an apology be when words are spoke, stabbed right through the and pierced through your heart? Full salute and respect given to those who forgive and forget. I could forgive but i never forget. Don't ask me why because i'm trying to trace the answer myself. I could try to forget but the ample of time used is better placed else where.
I heard the air singing "I'm sorry, i don't understand what went wrong that brought us further from our standing point".
I thought i had you there standing beside me with both our hands clutching tightly against each other.
The waves as usual made great entry washing down the sands as if they were singing to you.
The sands were dancing slowly - for a moment everything moved in slow motion.
The truth was .. we were the drifting apart further from each other.
I'd only have to whisper in the air and you'd hear me.
The truth was . . even if i shouted you couldn't make do of what i just said.
Wouldn't it be good if time stood still?
You'd still be there to comfort me while i struggle with endless sad stories.
I'd option not to question about your past because it tears me apart feeling far from first.
I'd be a good girl not to cross the line.
When you get me, you get all of me.
Time allows, i'd know all of you.
Wouldn't that be better?
The more spoken is endless fault.
Goodbye is a beginning.
Hello may just be another ending.
March 09 Hey lady, you with the cotton heart.Let it go if it’s not yours to keep. I do understand sometimes the situation makes it harder for us to open our hearts wide open and set our souls free. If you do not learn it now, force would have to take its position. By then you would have hurt yourself unknowingly. Yet by time you realize, the pain would be so intense to even imagine. Worse if you already see it coming. I know it sounds contradicting. It’s not the easiest way but perhaps the best. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you; I empathize what you feel. You should have known the answer right from the beginning it started. You were searching for answers. And the questions never stopped rising. The only question you need is “What do you really want?” and the only answer will never come from a third party. I know it’s confusing. You think you tried your best yet you question if the best ever happened. If it made you felt so wrong from the beginning, why bother getting started? What if you were given a choice to choose all over again, would it be the same? Would you be so stubborn to still follow the known instincts all captivated in you? Didn’t every female claim that they have natural instincts and their predictions are never wrong? To a certain extent I have to admit; it sounds crazy but true. You saw it coming didn’t you? How should I address this brave act of yours? I would need more than a lifetime to figure out the right word that describes best. I know you feel like crying. I wish I could cry along with you. But is crying able to ease your pain? Does crying eliminate the confusion building inside you? Maybe you would like to try another alternative. Shall I suggest you over a beer? Drinking is not a wise way. It either drowns you faster or enlightens you a little while you are tipsy. That spur moment, it might help. Did regret kept itself busy wandering while you’re awake? Either way you’re going to regret. Wouldn’t the shorter path be much easier to stroll? You’re doing it again. Does it matter if you knew if he ever loved you? The answer is never within reach even if you heard it. Have I ever mentioned you have a heart made of cotton candy? And ears made of marshmallows that melt every time you hear him say “I love you”. The truth is, saying is cheap and you know it. Would you care to listen to my advice if I told you; save the candy for a sweet tooth lover? Candies’ melting in the mouth isn’t a pretty sight. But one thing for sure, the candy is appreciated. You are going to make happier and it might last for a lifetime. December 06 Not all changes are bad, takes time.I desperately need a break. I’d want to travel to somewhere far from where I live. It doesn’t have to be a white Christmas; winter itself would just do the trick. It’s decided and I’d be flying on the 24th December 2006. I’m not sure if I’d be able to countdown. But that don’t matter because I know it won’t make much of a difference this year. Last year, I spend my Christmas mesmerized by the fireworks with someone special. This year, things are going to be slightly different. It’s not going to be easy but it’s better than not trying. Right? So at the meantime instead of dwelling on the problems that has arisen, I’d want to make a difference. I don’t see the future, but I hold the key to make my dreams realistic. Whatever it maybe, if I don’t try, I won’t know.
Have you reminded yourself to be happy today? Long JourneyAnts are blind and they get their way around by the scent the first fellow ant left them. I’d be strolling and walking together if I stuck with my army of fellow ants. I’d be lost and out of queue without the scent for I am blind. So that’s what happened to me.
Yesterday, the idea of visiting a fortuneteller struck me. I’m not sure if this was a sign of desperation. I don’t care. Some may say, our good self decides our life and fate. What was I thinking? I just need to hear more from what I’m thinking. It was a costly fee of $150 for an appointment; never expect to hear nice statements. She sat us down (my mom and I) and started calculating with the sun and stars. The first thing she told me, you should have a good life BUT due to your ancestors you will have a broken marriage. Broken marriage? I’m expected to marry twice. She did a lot of explanations but all I hear was money. It only struck me later, I questioned myself what the hell was I doing there. Did I not trust myself to lead my life?
Guess what? What she said did not bring me down. I am not egoistic. I believe in fate. I believe in myself. She listed a long note of do’s and don’ts, mostly revolving around the word “Money”. Yet, I’m not stating she is wrong. I don’t know. I’m far from halfway through my life. I should not doubt her ability. In the first place I was the one who seek her. I’m not interested to know further on my love life. I’ve always believed in happy endings. I believe in finding a faithful husband who knows how to make me laugh. Unlike my girlfriends, they hardly believe the existence of a faithful man. I do. I’ve met and I know. Nothing would stop me from believing. But it’s just not the time of the year to talk about love. For the moment, it will be kept aside, heart silence and locked in a bottle. It doesn’t mean I’ve given up on love.
I just realized there are greater things in life that comes before love right now at this moment. I am not born with happiness, but I am born with the ability to earn my happiness. So instead of whining on love, why can’t I spend focused on something that does not take two hands to clap? At least career building doesn’t really involve two hands. It takes time to heal. It takes time to build. It takes time to prove. Conclusion, it takes time to everything. And time is what I have.
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