Inner self asked “What is the difference of a child and an adult?”

Perfectionist answered sullenly “Children meant simplicity while adults would be very much the opposite.”

A child is so full of life with years ahead. Their eyes never fail to sparkle like cluster of diamonds. Their innocence is incomparable even with the purest material on earth.

On the contrary, an adult struggle to live the years ahead. Their eyes filled with weariness and evidence of obstacles. Their innocence is long buried six feet under.

I’ve never been saner than ever. I do admit what the surgeon said did tweaked my brains a little. What does she meant by “No, I don’t think you need this?” Or “Yeah, perhaps just a little on the tummy?”

I don’t like what I see for god’s sake! And how am I going to live through another day with it? (I think I just made it sound serious)But I'm damn sure it could have looked better with that bikini of mine. So before you read on further, you're reminded; this has definitely nothing to do with confidence or pride. I’m not here to discuss. So, mind me if I write with less rational up there.

  Great, where does this lead to? The ever legendary question is, would you pay to get laid, knocked out and allow the surgeons to work their way through to enhance your natural existing features?

  I mean, what’s wrong with breast enhancements if you can’t find reasons not to have them? No, you don’t have to be flat chest to qualify. Neither would you need breast sizes like Anna. Come on, I know it sounds complicated with the silicon and all. The only thing you have to fear is a sharp sophisticated needle. Other than that, need I say more?

Excuse me, but I am no ardent fan of plastic surgery. But I just don’t see the problem with having it done.

  Talk about liposuction, I know clearly it does not replace diets and exercise. Only a fool would claim perfection. You can never be too sure, although it pretty much seems like an easy way out. But don’t forget about the after effects of bruises, pain and months of squeezing yourself under those garments. It’s not as easy said.

  Beauty comes with a price. How does it value up? I let you figure that out.

I don’t mind paying for it, if I want it.

And I'm not questioning myself if I needed it.

The question is "Have I got that kinda cash?" seems more like it.

It’s not essential but it always helps to put my writing in the groove. My ears need the right piece of music that flows perfectly with my fingers. Tonight it’s Janet Jackson humming as if her presence is real.  I’m inspired to write tonight. It’s all about the wardrobe.

  I came home feeling tired and weary this afternoon. Unpacked my belongings and arranged my clothing back in my wardrobe. Funny, I never complained the space I had till this very afternoon while I was arranging my precious pieces.

  I have a good collection of dresses from cocktails to evening yet it never seemed enough. I have a good collection of sexy attire; enough to give me the shine I need through the night. I have a good collection of colorful attire wearing from sleeveless, spaghetti straps, knit wear, short minis, knee length skirts and a long list more to go.

  Excuse me; I’m not complaining the pieces I own. It’s the space I have that confuses me. I dun have a rack where I could proudly place my bags. How would I organize my nice collection of T thongs and inner wear? Did i mentioned i'm also a fan of lingeries? Stopped buying them cause it's not healthy for growing teenagers, especially my only brother. Haha~

  I wonder what’s gotten in my head when I decided to build in my wardrobe of such size. It’s fixed. So does it mean I have to live do with it or try figure if I want to revamp my room just because my current wardrobe serves no space? Or better still, just live with the existing attires I have for the rest of my life till I’m 80? What about, hoping my future husband would buy a spacious house so I could use one damn room all for my attire, bags and shoes?

  Well, I know I could give some of my clothing to charity organization. I’m not selfish but I find it so hard to say “goodbye” to every of my attire. Maybe I’m just being a little too hopeful. I was thinking maybe, I might lose a few inches in future. But god knows when future happens!! Lolx!! This is not a good sign, I’m sure I’ve gained a few inches somewhere. Even the weighing scales spills the fact. I’m yet to figure where the hell those kilos went to.

  In short, I’m running out of space. I am filling in the inches. What happens first? Or next?

I’m confused.

When was the last movie you watched that shared a great scene of sunrise, great couple and a perfect ending that made you went “Awww, how romantic” In reality, not all great couples spend their dawn romantically in such replica.

If sunrise were so romantic, tell me about the pathetic solo that gazes at the obvious sunset which sings a tune like a nursery rhyme “I’m going down .. and down .. down”.

I simply don’t understand the simple theory towards; things that rises never fail to give a tinge of hope while things that sets just makes the opposite ends meet.

Movies however is nevertheless the greatest “thing” ever made. It’s not the storyline that is ever so astounding; it’s the road that we walk on and the path we cross that doubles the intensity of each and every story.

A movie is not all about the imagination. It doesn’t grow right from there. Don’t the minor details of each movie betray the path and mind of the story writer? Perhaps not, anyway it’s just me and my silly guess. But if I’m ever right, then every movie simply relates to our everyday life. Despite its different categories, I’m sure it does bring out a moment in everyone. Or even relate some moral teachings?

The recent romance comedy I watched reminded me of the painful moments of loving someone, falling out of it, losing it and walking out of it. Sounds dramatic? But this reality is happening to someone every alternate day.

This very moment, some people are in love, some are falling out of it, some have lost it and some are still searching for it. Love blinds us. If it doesn’t blind us, it’s not claimed as L O V E. When it does blind you, don’t go questioning yourself how could you have felt so in love not to realize the misery you putting yourself in. There isn’t much need to even think about it. Its sounds cliché but I’ve questioned myself more than a hundred times; seeing the fact that I’ve only dated a few times. So what does it tell you?

Everything in life expires. Other thing in life matures. I don’t think that’s an obvious fact for those whom are not sensitive enough towards simple details in life? I don’t belong to the sensitive tribe.  I was speechless when I learned that my driving license has actually expired 7 months ago. Excuse me? Its Seven months that I am talking about! I couldn’t believe myself. What on earth was I thinking about? How could I have been so careless? I was stopped by a traffic police sometime early this month (was a new breakthrough for I’ve never been caught for speeding; I usually get fined for rebellious parking etiquette) and I casually handed in my driving license as if I knew I would get lucky. I did! All I did was I made payments under the sun and I was off the hook. Guys, I know it sounds pretty pathetic but when you live in a country like mine, being pathetic is the only way to survive. If we can’t beat it, we grow along with it.

Sometimes I think I’m still a baby. Other times I think I’m a mess. I am no procrastinator yet I need people around me to remind me of the unseen task that I might need to complete. Perhaps getting a personal assistant fits the bill. Perhaps I just need some high technology phone and that would do the trick. Perhaps I’m worrying a little way too much.

How much more is there to life? I’ve been practically wasting my minutes away (a great way to kick off the New Year). And trust me, with no regrets or whatever guilt it really felt good. Some nights you’d find me sitting on my bed typing my life away. Some nights you’d find me sitting at a corner of a cozy jazz bar with my eyes closed and a faint smile melting my night away with the magic of music. Some nights you’d find me dancing till the rooster yells. Every other night is always different. I’m patiently waiting for the Chinese New Year to fade out of the picture. I am just waiting for the right time to execute my plans. I must admit wasting my time is an indulging hobby. But before I expire, there is just one thing I must achieve. I wouldn’t want to end up juggling with “What if I” questions every morning for my entire life. I’m not sure if anyone out there is living with daily regrets. A simple principle I live by the day with; either I do it or I just farking forget about it.

I was out of town yesterday and I spent my day sitting restlessly at a stranger’s home. I see kids running up and down and I lost count of how many of them actually existed. Some of the extras were probably shadows. Later in the evening, I found myself sitting at a park with my hands fold like a security guard eyeing on these precious gemstones. One thing I really admire being a kid, life is carefree. The next thing I admire bout kids growing up out of the materialistic town life, they are the purest of all while they are still young. Any kid who once cherished the purest things in life will grow and turn into a man who understands the cruelty of material existence manipulating our lives. I guess that’s the cycle.  We choose to stay as a seed or grow like a flower that blooms.

Not been much of myself for the past week. I don’t hate Mondays. But last Monday, I grumbled a lot, I sighed more often and just as if the clock struck twelve and “poof” I’m no longer living life like a fairy tale. My life went from dazzling fairy tale to hideous reality. I guess that’s pretty normal. Everyone feels that way once in a blue moon; correct me if I’m wrong. Pardon me; I thought it’s always normal to stand in negativity. Absorbing negativity is releasing the positivism in me. Sounds pretty contradicting? I guess it’s a symptom for excessive holiday spirit instilled in me. I’m still trying to draw back some of the spirit.

Some people would comment me as a negative person; those were the ones I’m comfortable showing the dull side of me in which I never intend to brighten up their day. Some people would comment me as a cheerful person; those are definitely the ones I don’t bother sharing my problems with at all. Some say I’m temperamental; I guess it’s true to a certain extend. I live my day bright but I’m easily bummed if a grey cloud overshadowed my sun. I’m confused. If you’ve spoken to me, you’d think I’m someone who definitely knows what I want out of my life. I knew it too well. Too much and often I end up losing directions. I’m a Virgo. Horoscope says I’m a definite darn perfectionist. Someone who knows perfection does not exist yet tried too hard striving for it. Life’s not cruel; it’s pretty fair for me. I know the rules, I supported my belief and I earned teachings the hard way.

I’m not sure. I’ve tried too hard standing hard on the ground with my own principles. I knew it’s going to hurt a lot. I saw it coming but I did nothing about it. I don’t blame myself for it. I try not to regret. Opinions, suggestions, advice are not the decision maker. I decided for myself. At the end of the day, I am my own culprit. I am charged guilty for whatever decision I made. Admit guilty, I’m placed in a prison of my own fault. Once I’m released, I decide again for whatever that would set me back into prison. It’s a cycle that I don’t break free from. At the end of the day, I just try harder to shorten the time spent in prison. Or make an ending looks as graceful as it can be.

I’m toppled with questions. Never ending questions like happily ever after. You portray as it’s going to get really happy. Ever after is a term for idiots who never loved calculations. I hate math. That makes it pretty obvious why I’m an idiot who believed in ever after. Virgos don’t just believe in love. They believe in true love. How true is that? Guess I’ve got to hear from another Virgo. How true is true? The fact that you’ve never heard or seen sounds true enough to you? Bumping into a love like you’ve never imagined sounds true enough. Life is so darn simple. Humans made it complicated.  The truth is not something you’ve seen or heard. The truth is all about believing. As long as you believe, it’s sufficient to seem true.  True love does exist and it’s planted somewhere in the corner of a believer’s mind; it does exist. For those who don’t imagine; it never existed.

As I mentioned earlier, I’ve not been much of myself for the past week. That happened for a reason. I guess its okay. Occasionally I fall from side to side. The bright side, there’s always one second that I stand in the middle besides falling apart. That is sufficient to brighten up my day. Thank you.