Do people give in to alcohol because they are tempted to forget or simply to remember? It took me a while learning how to keep my tears in place and struggle not to vomit by the faintest smell of alcohol. Every now and then, chills would find their way to my spine and needles would prick from within my heart reminding me the every single detail that happened.

  Here I am sitting confidently yet half the lady I used to be; convinced that there’s nothing beyond that dismal dark moment of my life. It’s been 7 years since the incident happened. Gone were the days when I find it so hard to shut my eyes closed as I’d be reminded of that tragic event. I’d only feel comfort through the sunrise and sunset would draw fear in me and I’d suffer from those nights endlessly as if history would repeat itself.

I’ve been a rape victim. It’s not easy to get these words out of my mouth but as the days goes by; I learned to be a little stronger. Felt as if it was just yesterday. Memories so vivid that makes me question how many painful months and year would I still need to dim this memory of mine.

I remember clearly that it happened on the 14^th December coincidentally it was also Clair’s birthday. As we often do, we’d celebrate friend’s birthday with endless flow of liquor and music. Hence when the special night arrived, we were practically painting the town red. Who would have imagined that this meaningful night would turn into a nightmare to remember?

 My watch read 2am. I decided to get home before the cows do. I waved everyone goodbye and assured that I’m not drunk. This is definitely not my first night out, but it was my first time driving home alone after a heavy night of party and booze. Friends offered to walk me to the parking basement but I kindly decline their generous offer. Mom’s advice was ringing in my head. I know it’s dangerous to walk alone but I just shoved the fear out of my head. Who am I fooling? I’ve always assumed it wasn’t easy for someone to force their way through, if we protest. But it’s clearly wrong. 

  Every now and then I would shudder when I hear footsteps behind me. When my cell phone rings I jumped with fright fearing it was the rapist who knew my details and trying to hunt me down again. Every little detail would remind me of that miserable event. I thanked lord I survived that tragic event. But I’m thankful for I am still alive. I’m thankful for the wonderful people besides me. They supported me through the months of HIV tests, comforted me when I was feeling suicidal and made me felt secure once again. Every lesson in life is valuable. Some of us pay the extra to learn a lesson. The lucky ones listen and pick up lessons from other’s experiences.

  To all the sisters out there, no matter how confident you are in every situation. Never underestimate possibilities of nightmares that would down upon us. It’s always best to have precautions. Chances are we aren’t so lucky all the time.